Sometimes along this journey we call life we pick up handy tips . A new recipe , a fun project for the kids or how to turn a Target bag and some duct tape into a diaper. I think there are many of us " creative " types always looking for new ways to do old things.
Recently my good friend from Australia ( she.who.sends.awesome.birthday.cakes ) attempted to purchase an item on Ebay from the United States. Worried the seller might not ship internationally she courteously sent him off an email. She inquired if he did indeed ship to Australia and if he had some idea of the cost of the postage. These are the three replies she received :
1. Sarah, Sorry I do not comment on my work. My name was to come to America in 1735. I am middle America farm boy with no family history except history books that I now learn. I am not modest person. Can you laugh? For real I try to learn to do best work that I can. This alone with no teacher. I am obstinate American. Independent.
We all need other people. Thanks, Tom
2. Sarah, You break my heart. An Aussie or Russian is supposed to be tough. I do not talk to world
but I worry that Americans seem weak. I do not see that heart is weakness. You still speak English. OK? For me to ship to Canada or Russia it is $40. I write American dollar. I have no idea of Australian dollar. Cost to me would be more but special occasion for different country.
English language is even more special. I should pay you for easy communication. Thanks, Tom
3. Wow, I travel to Ukraine and I meet many people of Australia. Russian language very difficult
for me to learn but very much I admire great people. Very much I like Australian people. We speak same language but maybe we do not. I learn any language I speak I make woman very angry.
Wonderful to recieve your letter. Never Australia. What a shock. I was to write about Russians. Russians promise me great shock. There is no way for me to tell Americans. If you like ancient Greece, free people, and honor, then you like the Russians of Black Sea. Or some of them.
This what I think about before I see your letter.
If you write friendly letter to joke this is ok.
I appreciate it. Regardless your intentions, I appreciate it, love it and say thank you. A real honor and treasure for me to recieve letter from Australia. Very many thanks, Tom
The best part is she sent them to me thinking maybe this was some sort of strange American dialect ! Yes it is I thought - the dialect of the insane. Then I thought some more. We both found it odd that he had 100% positive feedback and his descriptions were flawless. Then it hit me......the sheer genius of it......the complete nonsensical rantings of it......the smooth way he sign " Tom" and not "Sigfried" or " Uri" . I don't know about you but I suspected something was in the borscht that day.
It's BRILLIANT !!! Unadulterated sheer genius. He had invented a way to throw people under the bus he did not even know - total strangers. It's SPECTACULAR !!!!
Say your are "Tom" here in America and someone - possibly from Australia - shoots you an email asking about your international shipping policies. If your "Tom" and you've already got your week planned full with toenail clipping, pirogi eating and perhaps an episode of " Real Housewives of Atlanta" you don't want the hassle of taking that damn international package to the post office. You don't want to look bad either - so what do you do ??? Shoot off an informational email full of jibberjabber and frighten that business right off.
Really, it could work for any situation. You could insult the crap out of someone or tell your neighbor off and they would be none the wiser. Lets try......
Salutations ! Bobo cockerpoo sweet he is yours. Yes ? At midnight his ringing flatulent bark is thru the trees. Sleep until breeze begins children do. Can you laugh ? Our ship of friends does sail to the deep end . Sink I hope it does not - Dog Warden. Perhaps ideas need you - muzzle. Awesome to clear the air it is . Describing words for you have not I enough. Bark - he angry make my husband . Frying pan.... oh no ! Regardless of your intentions my bad. I appreciate you, love you, say thank you , Tom
How great is that ??? I've mentioned :
1.The barking dog
2.The fact my children are up at night
3. The ideas I have
4. How much patience my husband has left
5. "Simone" has no fracking idea what I am talking about
Does it get any better then this ??? I think not. See - there are new things to learn everyday. No bus for me : ) . Your fried, Patty