Ok who knew of all things
would trigger such angst.
I didn't realize there are
people that have no need for snowpants
and therefor have no idea
what abominable torture devices they are!
Why Snowpants are Abominable Torture Devices
1. If you have multiple children - you will have multiple snowpants - none of said children will EVER pick the correct size leading to what I call
Some pants will always be too small and others will always be too big. You will NEVER have the right size. One child will have no visible feet...the other will have liederhosen. God forbid they trade.
2. The crotch always falls between your knee and ankle so you get to feel like you are walking around with a load in your pants.
3. They have a bib. If you are over three this can be disconcerting. I assume this carries out a few functions.
A. Keeps cold air from infiltrating your inner core....although with the right wind it's possible to get airborne...I think they are made from parachute material anyway.
B. Keeps snow from infiltrating your pants ( although this maybe counter intuitive as most snow ends up stuck in the breastplate slowly melting down your frontal regions).
C. Keeps pants from falling off after disembarking your sleigh to "freestyle" slide on your face (incidentally causing more snow in your breastplate and removal of pants when you go inside to cry, remove pants , then put them back on).
4. In the house they are airless sauna pants - within 3.2 seconds your 5 year old will be thrust into menopause.
5. Outside the house they seem to trap every breeze and stray chunk of snow available.
6. The buckles for the shoulder straps will either be stuck together for all eternity or will never click together depending on your immediate needs.
( i.e. if you have to go to the bathroom you won't be able to get them off. If your brothers are running down the street to go sleigh at the "cool" house you won't be able to get them on.)
7. As a mother nothing is more dreaded on a snow day as the words, " MOOOOOOOOOOOOM...WHERE ARE THE "SNOWPANTS???"...
8. Correct procedure for wearing snow pants is:
A. Put them on.
B. Take them off.
C. Put them on.
D. Take them off.
E. Put them on.
H. Leave 10 pair of wet cold snow pants shoved in corner to be discovered during next snow storm wet and moldy....OR someone shoves that one pair in the closet and you find it in the Spring...bleech.
I. Two weeks later during next snow storm start at #7.
9. Deceptively light starting out - a small child will actually end up carrying approximately 187 lbs of water and snow before they come in to "dry off".
10. Even though you have 3 pairs of socks, thermal underwear and jeans on the leg zippers will ALWAYS get stuck in your leg hair....
11. You will be reduced to using duct tape to keep snow pants in or around winters other demonic accessory -
The Snow Boot.
I'll save that for another day.
Luckily we only got a dusting last night.
If your getting swamped - stay safe and warm!
Happy Wednesday! Patty