Third week of school five phone calls,
two pick ups and one sick day.
I need a better system.
Something color coded and easy to follow.
This is what I've worked out.
Dear School Nurse,
I am thinking it might be useful to begin using a
"Gasparino Alert System"
much like Homeland Security.
Let's call it *G.A.S.* for short.
This will statistically average out
( perhaps even increase!) the chances of an actual
Gasparino attending and staying in school
even after visiting the nurse on a single day.
This will replace the
"Stuff on the Bus and Pray System"
as it has been found to have too many flaws and be ineffective.
Red = A Gasparino is actually sick and staying home
or being sent home.
Red Orange = A Gasparino may or may not have - rashes/coughing/upchuck noises from bathroom -
( possibly getting sick - but could be faking).
Orange = A Gasparino may have symptoms such as
"my finger hurts"
"there's a red spot on my leg".
Orange Yellow = A Gasparino uses statements like
"I didn't get any sleep my brother coughed on me all night"
"The racoon in the garbage kept me up".
Yellow = A Gasparino forgot their lunch money and/or homework at home.
Green = Gasparino Mother is going out within a 50 miles radius and is no way making that @*&%#$@ drive to pick any of them up today.
Eventually each designation could also have subcatagories underneath it such as
"Red 1" = ( active puking ) Mom is screwed.
"Red Orange 2" = ( I was sick yesterday and am trying to get another day out of it subcategory by going to the office) Nurse is screwed.
Anything below a Red Orange is questionable and child should be kept in school.
Anything above Red Orange should be accompanied with a coupon for vodka.
Please let me know if you have any questions regarding this new system.
Sincerly, Patricia Gasparino
That should cover it.